365 DAYS OF THE CROPPED TROUSER

There are few things in life more triumphant than plucking that vexatious uni-brow, or arriving at your local bakery just in time to catch that fresh-out-of-the-oven aroma. However, discovering that cropped trousers can in fact be worn ALL year round, surmounts both of these things. And that's saying something.

(Please ignore the crazy bare legged girl, this is no time for full-leg exposure. It's all about the ankle grazer)

Yep, for the 365 days that make up your - and everybody else's - year, you can wear the same pair of ankle grazers; which though slightly gross, definitely edicts this pair of trousers with the status of 'staple-dom', and hits the cost-per-wear record of your trusty plain white tee, well and truly out of the park.

It happened quite organically. I don't remember when I first upturned my cuffs - it was probably to keep my drooping sleeves out of my way - so it was only a matter of time when, like most things, it spread to my lower regions. Unlike those type of unpleasant happenings, the discovery of the ankle grazer was a  sheer delight that changed my sartorial compass, and set my focus well and truly down south to my ardent ankles. 

(Stud adorned ankles? Uh, isn't that reason enough to give it a try?!)

During the summer months I seemed in good company, but as Jack Frost's outings became evermore frequent, I noted a pointed decrease in fellow ankle barers. Whilst this doesn't waver my propensity for the mini trend, I felt saddened by the lack of imagination put forth by others. 

For some, winter and summer require separate wardrobes, which I'm all for I might add. But divvying up your sartorial treasures based purely upon weather conditions is just plain outrageous - not to mention restrictive. I value my clothes waaaay too much to banish them off to the vacuum packed realms of storage bag life for half of the year. 

So I choose not to.

I just squish it all in there, vests mixed with jumpers, short sleeves, long sleeves, all getting friendly and my trusty jeans/trousers all folded and replete with cuffed ankles ready for wear any and every day of the week. Trust me, embracing the cooling breeze at your exposed heels is refreshing. I'd go so far as to say it's replacing the décolletage in the sexy stakes. 

(What's black & white & tanned all over? A seriously fashionable girl. Duh!)

And all you need to put your best foot forward is a pair of…socks. Yes! That underwhelming present you received a mere four days ago, is now your most profitable companion. Clash your fancy pants with those slightly weird, but also weirdly cute, animal patterned socks; add a frill at your heel or a sparkle to your step with any of the various pairs scattered around the highstreet. 

Alternatively give a subtle nod to the 90's (because, yep, all things 90's related seem to be around well into the new year - which I'm not altogether saddened about!) with Spice Girls approved chunky, platform boots. Anything that allows your footwear to be the main focus in your ensemble is A-OKAY with me and a good ol' ankle grazer allows just that. Swell, right?

(OR try a little military style cropped action. I like it!!)

Lastly, there's the option that only the brave, unfeeling and hardiest of fashionista's should attempt. It's the bare back method: cuff like you've never cuffed before, insert foot into your choice of footwear and ride the breeze my friend. I will warn you though, that eventually you will get to the point when both appendages reach total numbness, which pretty much feels like you're walking on air.            

(Ankles first ladies)

And seriously, in spite of the potential arthritic implications of year round exposure, when my ankles became my accessory of choice that's exactly how I felt - like I was walking on air!    

(Images via: Face It tumblr - Seriously check it out for some awesome inspiration!)

THE ART OF GIFTING

Yesterday (which was boxing day, which is the day after Christmas I'd like to remind you) I received an email, that I'm sure many tens of thousands of people received. It was from ebay, acting like the proverbial white knight, replete with shining armour, ready to help you get rid of your unwanted gifts - gifts that hadn't even been in your possession for twenty-four hours yet I might add. But we are a people focused on making a quick buck, whilst keeping up appearances both in front of the gift-er ("Oh, I just love that poodle shaped calendar, thank you so much Great Auntie Shirley…") and maintaining that any free space in our homes is strictly kept for storing all those skeletons and not for hiding unwanted presents. 

As I've written about before, the present swap is a tricky time for me; due in large part to my overly expressive, and damn right annoying, face. But what I tried to convey then and what I'd like to reiterate now, is that it doesn't stem from an ungrateful place. It's just that you can't please everyone, all of the time and sometimes the gift is more about the thought behind it and less about the actual material item.     

You see, Christmas isn’t about gifts. I'll just let that sink in for a minute. 

Just as Hallmark has turned Valentine's day into their marketing dream, we have turned Christmas into a consumerist nightmare (refer back to the black Friday drama). 

It’s so easy to get bogged down with materialistic yearnings and an overpowering desire to get the ‘best present ever’ and with sale season starting pre-Christmas this year it's difficult to actually call time, reel yourself in and tuck that credit card well away. Have a word with yourself please, because in the grand scheme of things, filling up your Christmas stockings really isn’t that important. 

However, saying that, I’ve had some curious, some ridiculous, some bloody awful and some presents that make you wonder 'what were they thinking?!' over the years. To give you some lolz over the festive ho ho ho-lidays, I thought I’d give you a rundown of - not to sound too harsh or anything, but - the Worst Christmas presents ever… And yes, I did have fun compiling this list. 

10. Any form of seasonal decoration

(A decoration that doubles as an appetiser is what I'm talking about)

Sometimes I think you can be too organised. Considering that Christmas is now over, we'll just have to wait 365 days to get the full use out of this little gem. Thanks all the same though.  I'll be sure to pull this bauble down from the loft before all the others, next year.

9. Anti-wrinkle Cream

(If glossier made an anti-wrinkle cream, my proclivities may change…)

I stopped in at my local supermarket the other day to stock up on my favourite tipples when, after getting my ID out and ready for inspection, the cashier ignored my presupposition and merely told me the cost of my items. Could this woman possibly have looked beyond my baby face, acknowledged all that I'd been through (the teenage angst years, early twenty's frustrations, the transition from uni life to real world…)and thought the plastic proof unnecessary? Initially I was excited, on later thought however, I'm slightly offended. They said this would happen - that I would long for the days of lengthy inspection over my ID. Despite this I would still be offended at receiving this as a 'gift'. 

8. A tin opener

(Yep, this is how I felt upon unwrapping said tin opener - a mixture of fear (that they'd cracked my on-the-go food routines) and awe (that this is just what I needed, plus it'd give my teeth some respite)

Hmmm, is this a handy gift for all of my culinary needs or a sly dig at my cooking (in)capabilities? I don't know whether to be offended or grateful. 

7. Anything that requires batteries

(The most illusive of necessities)

The chances of you having batteries and having something that requires those exact batteries and vice versa, is about as likely as Nicki Minaj making any public appearance that doesn't feature some form of indecent exposure. In other words it ain't gonna happen. 

6. Socks

(Thanks to the ManRepellers fashion prowess you now have a how-to for any of you nay sayers out there!) 

Now this is often considered the universal 'I-didn't-know-what-to-get-you' present, but I would argue that it is just merely misunderstood and wholly underestimated. This person has given you the gift of shoe longevity. Allowing you to take your summer shoes deep into the winter months. Does it get any better than that? 

5. A lumpy jumper

(Turning my back on the lumpy jumper for good, I think…)

Don't get me wrong, I love a good old jumper, but sometimes even my devotion wavers. Handmade might be de rigeur but when you're presented with something with more appendages than is strictly necessary, you have to wonder if it's time to start practising your poker face.

4. The best present ever, that doesn't happen to fit.

(AKA the Taylor Swift. There's nothing quite like getting what you've always wanted only for Kanye West to come and ruin your moment. Take comfort in the fact that there's a 97% chance that he won't be doing this to you this Christmas) 

This is also known as disappointment, which is made all the worse by the fact that you've gone through the rigamarole of getting all excited with anticipation and dreams, not to mention fighting the stickiness of sellotape only to find that it doesn't bloody fit. Yes, you can exchange it for another size but a delayed present just isn't the same. 

3. Anything blatantly re-gifted

(Innovative choice of gift wrapping or more ammunition against your cheapskate friend?) 

The jig is up. This present was not bought with me in mind, I know this because it's been monogrammed and they are definitely not my initials. Leave with your tail between your legs and we shall never speak of this again. 

2. The questionable gift

(Definitely a to-do for the new year)

Was this a panic buy? That's a rhetorical question, because the considerable price tag leads me to believe that this gift was founded upon a great deal of fear. Speaking of 'great deals' this most definitely was not one. Not to seem ungrateful and all but I can't shake the feelings that a weekend away might have been more enriching than this computerised electronic toothbrush. You are undoubtably a salesman's dream.

1. A lump of coal

(The feared gift of naughty children all over the world)

The threat of this loomed over me throughout my childhood, not that I was a bad child or anything, I was just incredibly gullible and believed every line my parent's fed me. In a lot of ways I was the ideal child. Just the other day my mum spun me a tale about having a 'catch up' with my gran's 'good friend' in the middle of a jewellers; only for me to later find out that she was conspiring with this woman to purchase a pair of earrings I'd previously been eyeing. The gift bag she walked away with should have tipped me off as should the setting of this little rendezvous. Ah well, one day I'll learn. For anyone unlucky enough to have actually received a lump of coal however, consider it a rustic paper weight. 

So look upon your unwanted gifts with new feeling, or perhaps with an enlightened sense of humour. And remember, Christmas is all about giving, as in giving advice ready for next year's gift ideas.   

(Images via: glossier.com, oraclefox.com , manrepeller.com, usmagazine.com, pinterest)  

(None of the above images are my own and I do not claim created over any of them)

MY CHRISTMAS

So here's a round up of my Christmas this year:

It started off with no free time and a very late pay cheque, which resulted in a massive panic splurge and a pair of shoes that are unfortunately one size too small… This led to much turmoil; do I send them back and order new ones (which would mean that I'd have to fork out the p&p again - yeah, I know I'm tight), or just exchange them but risk delayed delivery… so I did what any procrastinator would do; I wrapped them and proceeded to blank the blunder from my mind. 

Then the second guessing kicked in. Will they like that? Do they need this? Am I crazy?! My most successful present to date is the orange hot chocolates I surprised my girls with, and I did it with only minor scolding to myself, a slight spillage down the side of the car (don't worry dad, it wasn't your car!) and a little bit rain soaked (for extra flavour). 

I was left in charge of the gift cards and ended up with one that had a wedding design on it and one that was clearly a from 'him to her' card. The sheer length of the queues, dazzling florescent lighting and pissed off cashiers really brought on a strong sense of panic, that I don't know about you, but really causes me to do nonsensical things… 

After swiftly being taken off present duty, I was given the task of peeling the potatoes, which ended in me chopping the top of my nail off. Putting the knife far, far away from myself, I then attempted to tidy - a safe pastime to keep me occupied. However, when I picked up the Christmas cake to put it away, not expecting it to be so heavy, I dropped the bloody thing and damn near flattened my finger. After almost swearing off Christmas altogether, I made the executive decision to leave the kitchen, before I lost a limb for real. 

The dog then collapsed, out of sheer excitement/exhaustion/for dramatic effect - I'm not sure, but just to clarify, he's okay now. And Christmas morning I was awoken by a very excited younger brother throwing a dressing gown at my face whilst playing a countdown… Happy bloody Christmas right?

So yes, that's my Christmas so far. Hopefully I'll manage to keep my outfit food free - it's always a good day when that happens, right? - and also spending quality time with my beautiful family.

To celebrate I thought I'd litter this post with beautiful pictures because well why not?! I hope you have a very merry Christmas and a healthy, happy new year!

(Images via: manrepeller, pinterest & unknown)

(None of the above images are my own and I do not claim credit over any of them)

DIARY OF A SHOP GIRL IN THE LEAD UP TO CHRISTMAS

Dear Diary,

I know I once tried to pinch a pancake, (I was five) but does my failed heist and a few overdue library books warrant this cruelty?

Image Via: mrepriss.com 

(Britney totally gets me)

My face hurts from smiling. People confuse my crying with laughing. I worry that when I finally regain control over my face, like a sick joke, gravity will have it's way and I'll be left resembling a pitt bull.

Isn't it ironic that the more I say 'Merry Christmas', filled with good tidings and ya da ya da ya da, the stronger the urge to scream/punch something grows. I'll just take it out whilst carving the turkey… 

Such a shame that there's no alcohol consumption allowed on the shop floor… 

Yesterday I discovered that the word sale now brings on a fit. It passed quite quickly - after they picked me up off the floor that is. Slightly concerned about the twitch I'm left with. Hopefully it'll be gone by next Christmas.

"Do I work here?" Is that what you just asked me?! Please walk away because I can't answer that question without swearing.

Don't look me directly in the eye, I cannot control what they will convey to you.

You know the cling film over the toilet bowl trick? Well I'm considering employing that method on all items of stock in a bid to reinforce the old (& oft ignored) adage: 'Look but don't touch'. Either that or install tiny tasers on everything. I can't see it being a problem with security or anything… 

Please just pay the five pence charge for the carrier bag. Forget about being environmentally conscious and be aware of your own personal safety, because I will staple it to your forehead if you do not move along. 

DO NOT laugh as you destroy the neat piles of clothing that I have spent hours of my life folding. Your walking stick doesn't fool me. This is a clear act of hooliganism.

Then today something happened. A customer handed me a Christmas card and just like the Grinch, my heart grew two sizes. Life changing wouldn't be too far a stretch. Then I zoned back to reality; children were roaring, the florescent lights were blinding and a woman was stood before me trying to return a pair of shoes because they gave her blisters. 

Yes this is my life. I had no words.

I still have no words. 

Help! Ahem, sorry, I mean 'Merry Christmas'!!   

A SURVIVAL GUIDE TO CHRISTMAS

Christmas is supposed to be filled with goodwill, good tidings and good laughs. However, in reality it's the season of overconsumption, over saturation and just plain going over board! 

The pressures of finding the 'perfect gift' and surviving the annual family get-together are seriously enough to bring on a brain aneurysm. The symptoms usually manifest themselves in the form of 'bah-humbug-ness', which namely involves having the Pogues on heavy repeat and taking your aggression out on the potatoes (mashed is always better anyway…) To survive this wonderful time of year I've created a little survival guide; *hopefully* to make your day all the more bearable, or at the very least to give you some material to distract yourself from your great Aunt's moustache… 

10. Chill The Eff Out Man

(Just as a warning, joining your foot to your head isn't necessarily relaxing)

Hyperventilating over, as yet, un-bought presents is wholly unnecessary. 

9. Breathe

(Preferably stand away from the sprouts before you start your breathing exercises)

And if this doesn't work, seek consolation in a big bar of chocolate.

8. Ditch The Drama

Leave the tantrums and tears to the TOWIE set. 

7. When In Doubt…

(FYI, this is what a doubtful fashionista looks like)

Buy a gift card. They were invented by a genius. A lazy, unorganised, genius.

6. Say Bye Bye To Your Bed

Lie-ins are a thing of the past. Get to the shops early to get out (smugly) before things get cray.

5. Take A Packed Lunch 

(Kudos if your lunch matches your outfit)

Most of your day will be spent queuing; risk the possible seagull attacks by skipping the lunch line and eating on the go.

4. Prepare For War

The shops are your battlefield. Sharpen those elbows and avoid eye contact at all costs. A helmut wouldn't go amiss either.

3. Forgo The Food Fight

Your clumsy Uncle + the gravy boat = a disaster waiting to happen. Save yourself the dry cleaning bill and sit far, far away.

2. Going Crackers

Always, always let your younger sibling/little cousin/tipsy relative win when pulling the crackers. 

1. Smile

Because what the hell else are you going to do?! 

And remember, Christmas comes but once a year. I find repeating this (as I slowly rock back and fore) to be tremendously comforting… 

(None of the above images are my own & I do not claim credit over any of them. Images via: kyrinhall.com, wifflegiff, Pinterest & mattressessale)