THE (SCARY?) FUTURE

Since finishing university I've had a lot of time on my hands; jumping from student life straight back to family living, with no more loans to live off and the very real concept of having to find a job. I think - though university was a great time in my life and I look back on those days with deep nostalgia - it was a huge bubble that I was naively living in. I had dreams of graduating and moving in with some friends, finding a job that would happen to be my 'dream' job (though I still have no idea what that may be) and my life would continue on in some perfect way not too far off from the lives depicted of completely fictional though seemingly real other twenty-somethings portrayed in the media (be that young hollywood types or the characters of teen dramas like gossip girl or 90210).

I know, even whilst I'm writing this I'm shaking my head over how ignorant I was to the real world. Even now I realise that I'm still living a sheltered life; rent free, no bills, two relatively okay ish paid jobs, but I still feel unfulfilled. I can't help asking myself, did I really go to university for this?

I bumbled my way through school, being a mediocre student which was due in large part to my crippling shyness - I never asked questions or spoke up in class, it was a god send that my school was so minute, in any other I would have gone completely unnoticed. My end of school exam results were a surprise to everyone -  I ranked third in my class. I remember telling my favourite aunt the news of my results. Her reaction is one of my most vivid memories, as she delicately tried to explain that while she never doubted me, she hadn't quite realised that I was intelligent. I can now laugh at her attempts to dance around the fact that she'd always thought me a tad slow (I think the exact terminology was something along the lines of dippy - a safe word, she was sure wouldn't offend me). However, this conversation is quite pertinent to my life. No one doubted me as much I doubted (or continue to doubt) myself; my aunt hadn't said anything that I hadn't thought before.

It has been said many a time that you are your own worst enemy, a statement that applies to many - myself included. After my shock results college took on a whole new meaning, suddenly my life was filled with new promise. Now my desire to do media studies and various art classes wasn't 'in the plan'. I was thrust into the arms of the Oxbridge representatives who recommended histories and sciences and spoke of me getting various ologies in university. Of course my parents were incredibly proud but I remember that time of my life being a struggle, I was expected to make decisions about things that I felt I had no real control over. However, I made it through college (two years I thoroughly enjoyed) but then the next obstacle arose; what to do at university.

This was a decision that I couldn't blag my way through. This was something that plagued me for many months and resulted in many sleepless nights plus huge arguments over my refusal to settle over bed linen (my fist choice university had a double bed, my second choice had a single bed, committing to either one could jeopardise/jinx my entire future). After much debate I decided upon English Literature (and bed linen to fit a double), a class I had always enjoyed though I can't say it came easy to me. And like I said at the beginning of this post university was an amazing experience that I wish I could relive but I cant say there wasn't many tears and consistent doubts that chased me throughout the whole three years; was I doing the right course for me?

To be honest I'm still not sure of the answer to that. Now as I look back on my life so far I am very proud of my achievements but I'm still no closer to deciding what my next step will be. Will I brave it and go in search of my 'dream' job in this harsh economical terrain? Will I go back to study something else? Will I move in with friends and thrust myself into a life of independence? Will I go travelling? Or will I stay the same? Who knows, I hope that this year I do come closer to answering these questions though...

(Picture unknown)

And if I haven't bored you with my incessant and frankly narcissistic ramblings about my life then maybe you'll stay tuned to find out.

THE SECOND DAY

Time to welcome in a new year. 

Last year was one of big change for me. I completed my final year of university; graduated; turned 21; adjusted to life living back with the parents and found out how hard it is to get a job. This year I have dreams of travelling; possibly coming a step closer to figuring out what direction to take my life in; learning everything I can; reading more; hopefully growing my hair; extending my shoe collection; becoming a better cook and nail painter; and making more of an effort to remember and appreciate just how fortunate I am. 

I hope this New Year brings us all health and happiness. 

And now to focus on things of a more materialistic nature... 

Here are my new additions

(TKMaxx Bag)

(Zara Platforms)

(KG Boots)

(Topshop Mary Janes)

Cheers!!


(All images taken by me)

RAZZLE DAZZLE 'EM

I have an addiction to shoes - I know a statement that has been uttered by countless women (and men) throughout the ages, but it makes it nonetheless true. Actually I think it's an understatement really. In fact I'd like to amend my initial statement; I love all accessories. 

Clothing to me is a form of expression; a non-verbal means of putting my opinion out there. And for me accessories help to punctuate my outfits. It might be a small message that I'm communicating at one moment, maybe one as futile as 'I like polka dots' or it might be a more personal message like, 'today I feel like hiding so I'm layering up'. Whatever my emotional leaning I always feel like accessorising an outfit is a constant battle between remaining individual and not being stared at like I'm some crazy hybrid Lady Gaga/ Nikki Minaj/ Madonna wannabe. 

Whilst these women are all strong and hugely successful they have a tendency to veer towards costume rather than everyday fashion muse - but then in their line of work fantastical outfits are both necessary and expected (and hey there's nothing wrong with that.) However, for a regular girl like me walking out of my house with a bouquet on my head (I'm looking at you Gaga) is highly impractical. Accessories become props but the line between too much and not enough is hazy. Take Anna Dello Russo for example. She is a lady who lives by the philosophy of more is more. Sometimes it works, sometimes it might not work so much but she herself admits, "sometimes I look like a Christmas tree, but it's okay. Who cares?" And she's right.  

Maybe my self consciousness stems from small-town living (I live in Llanelli - a welsh coastal town that you've probably struggled to pronounce - where ones whole person is meticulously measured against how close they can resemble the cast of 'Towie'. And 'unique' is a word rarely used and is usually followed by a declaration that it's 'cool' which it thus followed by a slew of people all stepping out in the same thing.) Despite my grumblings, home is home and whilst I struggle to determine what I deem fashionable as opposed to what everyone else thinks is 'totes amaze' I guess I should just let the voice of ADR ring loud and clear because in the end who the hell cares? 

(A small selection of my jewels; a picture of Anna Dello Russo's collection for H&M via trendland.com; and in contrast a more minimalist approach to accessorising - something I am favouring at the moment - image unknown) 

 (None of these images are my own and I do not take credit for any of them.)

HELLO

So 9th December 2012 is the day that I finally started the blog that I have been procrastinating starting for about four years.

Why this day should be the day I have no idea. It is a day of no importance, other than the fact that I'm off work and in serious need of a personal outlet for all my fashion musings and random babblings..

I figured this would be a lot easier but I'm hoping that the adjustment will be relatively smooth and that I'll work out the glitches soon.. Fingers crossed! 

I thought I'd sum up a little bit of what I'm into at the moment..

Anything Erin Wasson (her look, her attitude, just her full stop); dark fringes; clashing pattern, texture and colour; pinks skies; understated neon; and stacked delicate jewellery.

(None of these pictures are my own and I do not take credit for any of them unless stated.)