THE REVIEW

Once upon a time a young girl (me) was sat dreamily flicking through a magazine amongst the hubbub of the communal kitchen. It was game night, some team against another team. Come to think of it, it may have been amateur acrobatics or a live episode of Eastenders. Actually no, it was the football, which is pretty much the same thing, no? 

During an ad-break, Boyfriend and Brother approached me. What happened next truly astounded me. They began to talk fashion between themselves. This both fascinated and baffled me. As proof of this phenomenon, I jotted down the proceedings for the amusement of you all… 

First up was the MBMJ show. 

Primary thoughts: "good for skiing". 

Side note: neither have been skiing before. I can only see this as the reason behind the above assessment. 

As the football picked up a bit, their interest wavered. To appease me, they feigned excitement over the shoes. (Tip: Always ask life changing questions during the football.) 

Did not understand "squiff" bows and appeared to suffer great discomfort on sight of socks.

Conclusion: "Not a favourite."

Alexander McQueen

Had a very vehement reaction to the show. 

"White cape looks like something the army would wear whilst doing recon in the snow." As said by a 13year old boy.

And they just kept getting more and more succinct.

*Side Note: length of reviews are in direct proportion to how tense the game is. Here, for example, the ball hit the cross bar.

Dior

"Love because more basic".

Does that even constitute as a full sentence?!

Chanel

*Glanced at pictures of tweed shopping basket and immediately held head in hands*

(Side Note: Not sure if I spied actual tears but the look of confusion was only broken with a quip about Stella Tennant's 'wig'. Shaking of head was quickly resumed.)

Burberry

Liked the sheer dresses. *Surprise*

However, I was startled by subsequent analysis - "The accessories don't match!" Was about to launch into lesson on accessorising when fear shrouded over me. What have I turned them into?! 

An own goal by the opposition thwarted my trail of thought and we continued. 

Dolce & Gabbana

D&G proved a little bit too much for them to take in, resulting in random words being spouted out one after the other. "Robin Hood", "Widow", "In The Night Garden"… This last one actually made me WTF. I also feared for their sanity. After a few deep breaths, they refuted all hoods and questioned any and all semblance of practicality. On the plus side, they liked the idea of tiny treasure chests as handbags.

Lanvin

No words. Just a look to say, 'don't ask'. 

Prada

Again had issues with practicality. My conclusion; these guys need to lighten up. 

My protests are met with a shrug. 

Armani  

One dress is deemed "cute". *Pause* I feel I've pushed them too far. I try to retreat before they start talking about doing each other's hair or our cycles sync up. 

Their team lost the game so any further prodding was met with a sombre shake of the head. There are now actual tears and they don't want to play anymore.

Nonetheless, insightful. Veeery insightful. 

(Images: Pinterest, Tumblr, Vogue, Daily Mail, Visionaire, Fashion-North)