WHAT'S IN THE BAG??

I love a 'what's in my bag' post. You're allowed, nay, encouraged, to root around and explore the mysterious abyss that is a woman's handbag. 

(Photo: Am-Lul)

Rarely do you see a women sans handbag. It's like an additional limb. We risk potential back strain to lug around only the essentials, cherry picking a selection of those life saving items to aid us in every situation imaginable, whilst giving the illusion of carefree, no fuss, 'I woke up like this' ease. 

So much can be deduced from the contents of a women's handbag, should you be so lucky as to be allowed into one that is! 

There are a plethora of posts to choose from if you should wish to delve in, but what I've noticed is that these tend to be edited beyond any semblance of reality. I mean c'mon, is it really possible to survive daily life with only a red lipstick, a selection of jewellery and a notepad (without a pen nonetheless!) I saw a hole in the market so to speak. Wouldn't you like to see what's really in us girlies' bags? 

The Essentials
Phone, keys, purse, chewing gum. You know the drill. Never be locked out, caught with bad breath or unable to get the bill again. Bring them with you.

Wet Wipes

No bag should be without them and if obvious reasons for this don't automatically spring to mind, then let my story be a lesson to you. After being on a train for five hours (Five hours! I feel that needed emphasis) an overwhelming need to go to the toilet overcame me. As a strict rule I try not to use the facilities on trains or at train stations - I'm sure you can understand why - this however, was an emergency. I opened the door, which might I add was wet (first red flag), then there was no toilet paper. I am not a shaker. Then a beam of light fell onto my bag and angels sang as I caught sight of my wet wipe supply. Complete life saver. Never leave the house without them.

Tissues

I am that annoying sniffly person that plagues every cinema, library, lecture hall, fast food queue, coffee shop, gym. You know the one, that person you either avoid through fear of germ sharing or want to punch in the face. Tissues allow me to alleviate my sniffles so the rest of the world is none the wiser. FYI wet wipes are useless for this purpose, despite my allergies I still like my makeup to remain on my nose.

Hand Sanitizer

I sound like a full on germ-a-phobe, but some come in the form of a handy moisturiser. Never turn your nose up at the prospect of soft hands.  

A Lighter

I'm not encouraging smoking (I'm not discouraging it either, you do what you want pal) but it saddens me to think that this handy item could be limited to the mere partner of a cigarette. Imagine you're stuck in the woods and you need to light a fire, BAM you're the girl everyone wants on their team. Or you're at a festival and that epic song comes on, BAM again, you're right in with the crowd, waving your lighter in the air like you just don't care. Aaaand if you fancy being sociable, then there's nothing that will attract more new friends to you than a lighter will to lighter-less smokers. Does that sound desperate? And needless to say, a lighter's pretty handy for any impromptu seances.

(Photo: Fashion & Style)

Torch

You've always got your lighter but ya know, fire is dangerous. If in trouble, make like the ladies of 'Panic Room' and morse code your way out of it. Imperative if you like to read under your bed covers, or to highlight the keyhole that you're scrambling to get your keys into. 

Sewing Kit

I'm talking miniature by the way and I've made it sound more grandiose than it really is. By kit I mean needle and thread and some safety pins. Sure to save you from any fashion diaaaasters. Plus they double as miniature weaponry for any space invaders you might come across on public transport or say a boyfriend snoring loudly in the cinema. Did I mention that I'm evil?

Crystals

I sound like a knob I know. I'm not going to launch into some spiel about cosmic energies etc but I have one crystal that is supposed to instil power within the holder. Extra power is always welcomed, so damn it, I'm keeping it with me! I'm sticking my tongue out at you eye rollers out there by the way.

Deodorant

Now that they come in mini sizes there's really no excuse for weird body odour. Plus when time escapes you, as it does me - often (see previous post), there's nothing more refreshing than a quick spritz.

Perfume

Similar to deodorant but nicer to look at. 'Chance' by Chanel is my thang.

IPod

Often when daydreaming takes over, my mind wonders over many bizarre things, namely what my theme tune would be if I should one day have one. 

'Lady Essentials'

Yep, I'm using code for tampons and sanitary towels. A secret stash is beyond necessary. Watch the 'Young Ones' if you don't already know the fun that can be had with a tampon (I swear it's a lot more innocent than it sounds…) 

Make-up Bag

Yes, I am encouraging you to carry a bag within a bag. Banish shine, embrace the cliche and leave lipstick marks as your calling card, hide late night shenanigans with a slick of concealer, catch a friend off-guard and write a loving slur across their forehead with your trusty eyeliner. Gosh I love make-up.

(Photo: ohmydior)

Pen & Paper 

I've restrained myself from writing 'pencil case', though feel free to throw that in there too. I used to carry a calculator around with me until I decided to enter into the 21st century and found one on my phone… 

Medecine

If bag is big enough then swipe entire medicine cabinet in there, if not then paracetamol, plasters and, in my case, hay fever tablets make the cut. 

Step Ladder

Because unfortunately chivalry is pretty much dead and jumping to reach the high shelves is unbecoming (plus under the weight of my bag, I ain't going very far!) 

Portable Chair

Who needs blister plasters when you can just take a load off? You never have to forego your highest heels again.

Glasses/Contact lenses

Carrying both is essential. Glasses for hay fever days, contacts for those unsociable days when the excuse 'sorry I couldn't see you without my glasses on' is needed. Yes, as well as being evil I am also very cunning.

A thong

Never be caught with accidental VPL on show again. Plus it doubles as a fantastic sling shot, which is obviously very necessary. Ps. Going commando ain't cool.

An Umbrella

One of those huge golfing umbrellas. Being soaked through is never fashionable.

The Entire Contents of your Pantry

I've explained in my earlier 'Shopping with the Boyfriend' post the necessities of carting food around with you and I still stand by this. A table cloth and candlestick are non-essential, but are however preferable.

A Puppy

Never be lonely again. Companionship without the messy feelings that tend to come attached to icky boys. I refuse to be a cat lady. Dogs are better. FACT.

Bubbles

The last on my list and definitely one of the most important. A great alternative to flashing without forsaking on the shock value. Camouflage a bad hair day with this handy distraction technique; guaranteed to work (about 35% of the time). 

As you can tell I've only included the essentials. Please feel free to use this as a check list of sorts. You may wonder why an outfit change wasn't included but then again that's what your desk drawer is for. 

Special shout out to Mary Poppins. The woman who paved the way for OVER-sized toting females all around the world. 

MAN VS CLOTHES

Now I know they say that looks aren't everything and by golly looks can definitely be deceiving but unless you happen to be randomly blindfolded (perhaps mid-pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey session? Or maybe blacked out shades would be more likely?) The genesis of most first impressions is based solely upon appearance. Although this isn't just limited to their physical appearance, clothing is also a huge factor. 

It doesn't matter how twinkly his eyes are, if his trousers have those little zippers that convert them into shorts, he will face judgement - it's inevitable my friend. However, if when contact is made, you find that miraculously his personality makes up for his obvious lack of fashion-anything (lucky you ey), then put him down as a 'fixer-upper'. We women love that don't we? Consider it as a means of putting your loving little stamp on him (AKA the first stage of placing him directly under your well manicured thumb). Alternatively, if his bad taste in clothing is unfortunately a reflection of his sucky personality, then it's a great reference point for future mocking. 

(Image Via: The Coveteur. A definite mantra to live by.)  

It sounds hugely superficial, and it is, and we are. Whilst I would never advise the basis of a new relationship be founded on something as trivial as someone's sartorial choices; some people do and I hold my hands up, it is hard to reserve all judgement on first inspection. 

Whether intentional or not, what you wear speaks volumes about you. And we're all a bunch of oglers, if we're not staring at someone, we're Facebook stalking them or googling someone else. We just seem to love a good ol' creep. 

Leandra Medine of 'Man Repeller' fame, has said that her blog is founded upon the idea of fashion that she loves but the opposite sex might find pretty offensive. We're talking harem pants, overalls, anything with a shoulder pad; basically a round up of everything that's probably in your wardrobe right this very minute. I like this idea, there isn't an outfit that I've worn that my family hasn't muttered a comment about or rolled their eyes at. But what I find most interesting, was Leandra's comments about finding someone who loved you beyond your choice of clothing, that person who could see beneath the material. It might sound dramatic and it sure gives a bleak outlook on the world, that we could be so superficial as to choose our prospective partners based on what colour top they may have on, or if their socks match, but sadly I think this might be true. 

I've already gone through the stages of accidental ferreting and I must admit that when I first started dating the boyfriend, I toned down my clothing choices, relegating the more 'out there' looks to the forgotten realms of my wardrobe. It was a conscious decision but it would be a disservice to him for me to imply that he would ditch me over a pair of block wedges or sequin trousers - it was purely my own insecurities. I thought if I looked more 'normal' then it would make me more desirable, but reigning it in really exhausted me. Getting dressed took twice as long and second guessing outfits soon got old very quickly. My fashion sense is pretty much the only thing that I have consistent confidence in, so to undo something that comes quite naturally to me was bloody hard work! 

One day I woke up, put on my pink jeans, my most oversized white tee, and my red velvet, strappy wedges just for the hell of it. I felt at home and wouldn't you know, the boyfriend saw me, smiled and just asked who's driving. I was actually flabbergasted, it was definitely a 'I'ma diiick' moment. I vowed from that day onwards that I'd never alter my lewk to fit someone else's ideal. EVER.

The boyfriend and I give regular input on each other's clothing choices and even more often, ignore that very advice. You love the person not the clothes. So he carries on wearing his bug t-shirt and I continue to cringe at the sight of it, but ey, it works for us.    

In conclusion, I'm gonna keep clicking my Dorothy shoes because I don't give a fuuuuuuck, thank you very much. 

And yes my family still give me weird (but I'm assured, loving) looks!

I'MA DREAMER NO LONGER

The beginning of the week seems like as good a time as any to start something new. I'm not exactly sure what that means. At the moment the 'something' is as vague to me as it is to you reading this. 

(Photo: Chapter Friday)

It's time for a change. Time to bite the bullet, swallow whatever fear plagues me. Two years out of uni and the itchy feet syndrome is getting more serious. I have to do something now before it becomes terminal.

I'm sick of being a dreamer. So here goes. A change is a'coming - hopefully.

I'M LATE! I'M LATE!

In spite of what the title might lead you to believe, no this is not about a pregnancy scare.

You can breathe mum.

If you ask anyone who knows me, even just remotely so, they're probably (definitely) more than likely to state my worst quality as my time keeping, or lack there of. I've thought about this and in the grand scheme of things an aversion to being on time isn't that bad. I mean it's not like I have a drug problem or interrupt people mid-sentence, or steal food off your plate or count joy-riding as one of my recreational pleasures. Time just escapes me.

I suffer with procrastination, but I swear it's accidental. I have every intention of sticking to schedule but important things like picking at split ends, shiny things, half remembered song lyrics, an overwhelming need to fold my socks and an occasional tendency to nod off, just get in the way. It's all totally beyond my control. 

My life is one mad dash and has been so ever since I can remember. One too many stumbles past being on time. It's not a lifestyle choice, it's an affliction. Usually I bumble through, but the amount of near misses (by near misses I mean friends cursing me and proceeding to leave me alone forever) I've had when it comes to the charade of being ready on time, is too many to count and far too many I'd like to admit to. 

So how does one self confessed fashion obsessive manage to get dressed in the short amount of time she allows herself I hear you cry? I won't lie it's sporadic, emotional and if you insist on entering the room mid operation then goggles are a necessity. Now with all that in mind, I welcome you into my room as I prepare to get ready, and yes I'm running late.  

As the proverbial white rabbit dashing through my own disorganised wonderland, I will give you my three, 'fuck I'm so late' saviour outfits. 

No. 1

It's all about distraction. I'm late for drinks with the girls. With alcohol being thrown into the mix I must tread carefully, they will either be merry and none the wiser or ready and waiting. The only thing to do is to utterly blind them. For newbies this can be quite tricky as there is a definite science behind this. So listen up, the vibrancy of your outfit is in direct correlation to how late you are. For every fifteen minutes you keep them waiting, add another brash pattern or bold colour into the mix. In instances of extreme tardiness, it may be necessary for fashion to be forfeited for the sake of prolonged friendship. Yep, it's time to bust out that hidden feather boa, or those psychedelic tights, or even that sequinned leotard or in the worst of cases, all of the above, to insure a welcome of complete dumbfounded-ness. Either that or they'll think you've had a complete breakdown and take pity on you. It's win win really. I also forgot to mention that along with fashion credibility you will also forfeit any prospects of pulling. Ah well, you can't have it all. 

Above is my example of a typical distraction outfit.

The trousers are from Tesco (I know shock!), I love them coz they remind me of my mum's chinaware. The jacket is ASOS, I don't think an explanation is needed for this one, I mean just look at it > B-E-OO-TIFUL. Aztec/tribal blouse from River Island. Heels from H&M. Sorry no feather boa, it's currently at the laundrette.

No. 2

It's Friday night, you're all snuggled up and ready to watch whatever guilty pleasure takes your fancy. You're just about to devour that entire bag of chocolate buttons when your phone vibrants. It's the boyfriend, he'll be over in ten. SHIT! Friday night is Date Night! How could you forget?!! This calls for the good ol' favourites outfit AKA the grab and run. Everyone should have a fallback outfit, one that makes them feel utterly radiant from within. The kind of outfit that needn't be checked in the mirror. A case of fling it on and get out the door. Do not however, fall into the trap of having only one of these life saving outfits. You do not have time to discover that said outfit is currently in the wash. Therefore the first rule is to always, always have fallbacks - plural. Anything with time consuming buttons or fussy straps is a no, corsets are off the menu, regardless of how great they make your cleavage look. My go to look is pretty much always a variation of jeans, a lived in looking tee and my most fabulous pair of shoes - (you're probably going to spend a long time staring down at them whilst grovelling to your boyfriend for the *slight* delay, so this is a must). I would definitely say that jewellery is mandatory in elevating this outfit from blah to brill. I usually swoop the entire contents of my jewellery box into my bag and run. Fussing with clasps and clips can be done en route. 

My offering for this look consists of my all time favourite Madonna t-shirt (that I've cut and pinned within an inch of it's life), my black or possibly camo jeans (camo if I'm trying for an incognito look) and my KG blue & turquoise boots if it's raining (just to really confuse the incognito thing I've half got going on), or if dry, my KG pink & cream checked raffia wedges. I must add that despite the heel height of both of these shoes, they do not inhibit my ability to leg it. Please bear this in mind when getting ready. 

No. 3 

I'm a princess, riding a unicorn, while eating clouds and fairy dust - OH SHIT! No I'm not, I'm asleep and twenty minutes late already. Cue the improvised outfit. This is really only for extreme cases. Look down at yourself. Is your t-shirt/blouse/top clean? If so read on. Are you wearing leggings? If yes then please remove them immediately and grab whatever bottoms are closest to hand and wriggle them on, now. Shake hair, add red lipstick and run. Heels are preferred but gaining access to any is solely dependent on time. Anything goes, apart from flip-flops, please take the time to remove them. Alcohol is pretty essential for this look, think of it as an added accessory. Seriously, it'll make you feel like your outfit is da bomb - not that I'm condoning alcoholism or anything…

I have no outfit for this one because I'm currently wearing a dressing gown so if this wasn't a drill I would be effectively screwed and a mandatory 'I'm sick' phone call would be my only port of call.

Good luck fellow time wasters! Thinking of how you're all getting on with my advice will now be added to the top of my list of 'things to procrastinate over'. Now go forth and live out a watch-free life.

P.S If in doubt just think…

(Photo: Cheap Friday)

SISTER SISTER

I have a sister.

Three years younger, hair twice as thick and the ability to chat at the speed of the Road Runner. She's quite remarkable.

Those are the stats but being one part of a twosome is far more complicated than that. 

I was three years old when it happened. It's vague I must admit, the news shrouded somewhat by my being allowed into the kitchen of the restaurant we were then at. 

It's a label you're either born into or is thrust upon you, no questions asked, no consideration given. POW! You're it. On June 19th 1994 I woke up to a new title and a present for life. But that wasn't it, along with this new tag I'd picked up came attached an impressive prefix - I was now the BIG sister. 

The weight of this didn't quite sink in until the first time my parents lectured, 'you're the eldest, you should know better!' The responsibility that resonated just from that word, 'should' marked my new life. Any fights (that she always started btw) I had sole blame for. 'She's the baby' was said almost daily to justify any 'but that's not fair!' protests I made. 

There was now this mini person, wavering between being my sidekick and my enemy. Despite the growing pains and the arguments that rivalled that of Shaggy and Scooby over the last Scooby Snack; we survived. Twenty years later we're still alive and able to stand each other (most of the time), in fact I'd go so far as to say she's my best friend.

No one knows you like your sister. She's got the honesty of a mother with the fashion courageousness afforded only by youth. 

They can be your best friend, at times your worst enemy and the most fiercely loyal partner in crime you'll ever have. However, the one downside is that unfortunately my sister is a thief. Funnily enough, these kleptomaniac qualities only materialise when inside my room, or to be more specific, when stood before my wardrobe. Shopping trips are just a veil to shop precariously through me because obviously it'll get just as much wear on her (probably even more so) as it will on me!

Her argument is that I have so many clothes that what does it matter if some disappear every now and again? Needless to say this doesn't wash with me - alas as I write this I see her flouncing passed me in my Boy London vest. I think I'm fighting a losing battle.. 

Oh well! Here's to the next twenty years and hopefully two very separate wardrobes!

My Top 5 Fashionable Sister Troops:

NO. 5/ The Kardashians

Love 'em or loathe them, the fifth spot goes to those infamous Kardashians. Well dressed, family orientated, feisty females and who doesn't love a Kardashian brawl?

NO. 4/ The Jenner Girls

All long legs and not a booty in sight. The younger sibs of the Kardashians are a fashion entity in their own right. Model looks and blue hair in tow, these two are practically the poster girls for Young Hollywood right now.

NO. 3/ The Richards Twosome

Alexandra and Theodora Richards, the daughters of rock legend Keith Richards, blonde and dishevelled, utterly sexy and clothes to die for. Sigh... 

NO. 2/ Beyonce and Solange 

A controversial choice maybe, considering the very public explosion that has rocked this notoriously private family but the clothes are good. Simple as that. Maybe my words will bring them together… 

NO. 1/ The Corrs

The 90s is having a comeback - like you didn't know - so who better to take the top spot than the Irish darlings 'The Corrs'? My father's Irish, making them the soundtrack to many a road trip. Not many nine year olds can boast knowing the entire lyrics to all five albums, what can I say, I guess I'm blessed. While I might be a bit rusty now, I have a newfound appreciation for their strappy camisoles, sheer blouses, leather trousers and matching outfits. Here's to Andrea, Sharon and Caroline (Sorry Jim, it's all about the girls right now). 

(The Corrs showing that a well-dressed family can go a long way.)

My sister is back at university for the next few days to finish off her exams. Her wardrobe is left unguarded. You can see where I'm going with this one…

Sister, if you're reading this, all is fair in the sib fashion war. Ciao, I'm off to reclaim my long lost possessions!

(None of the above photos are my own and I do not take any credit for them)

SO YOU WANNA BE COOL?

So the April issue of Nylon magazine just came into my possession. Alas a month late but as the old saying goes, better late than never. And as my affinity with Nylon grows ever stronger so does my rather pedantic fondness for considering and then reconsidering the front cover.

(Never Fear I'm Here To Help)

Arguably the front cover of any magazine is the most important page, I mean granted you've got to have the quality of content to back up what the magazine is boldly putting out there, but it's those statement headlines and snappy one-liners that entice us in.

I mean you get those magazines that make their money purely on their ability to string a good pun together, or make an  unbelievable story that sounds so ridiculous, it might just be true - because you know, people are crazy - so you just have to read it even if it's just for the satisfaction of proclaiming, "I KNEW IT!" E.g 'I Married My Dog'. Turns out the lady in question was the presiding minister at the wedding of her pooch to some other little doggie. Yes, the truth of this story really is strange enough but slightly less bizarre than being led to believe that she was bound in some romantic relationship with her pet dog.

(Cool Thing No.1: Laughter/Fun)

When my mind needs a snooze that's the kinda thing I like to deaden it further with - although one of my lecturers once asked why we choose to switch our minds off at all? He saw it as a complete waste of our potential to absorb all the vast amounts of information surrounding us. However, I would argue that if I hadn't switched off, I'd have never had that little anecdote about the pet marrying woman, leaving this post void of any quippy material to really add panache. I mean wouldn't you agree?

So leaving my old lecturer to eat my dust or shorts or whatever, I'm back in the room. Staring at my Nylon magazine, with Sienna Miller smiling back at me like she's just found out the secret behind Anna Wintour's non-moving bob. Under her name, that's emblazoned front and centre, reads: 'on how to stay cool forever' and then slightly lower down it smugly asserts: 'The It List'.

Now correct me if I'm wrong but I thought Nylon was all about people-power, doing it for yourself and overlooking the norm in favour of what's interesting. So how then can they try to eternalise something as undefinable as 'being cool' and then compile it into an 'it' list, again a term so vague as to seem completely ineffable.

(Cool Thing No.2: Your Friends)

I've often thought about what it is to actually be cool and I've always come up with the same realisation: I am definitely not cool. I typed 'cool' into the dictionary and some stuff about temperature came up (I'm always freezing, skating way past moderately cold (i.e. cool) to chattering bones - it allows me to wear more fabulous clothing at once so I'm not complaining). The next hit was 'permitting such a sensation' - again I'm not so sure I resonate even the slightest whiff let alone the sensation of being cool! - and then finally it read, 'being composed', I mean LOL. For anyone that knows me I'm either a bag of nerves or jittery with excitement, the only time I've ever been close to composure was as a severely drunk teen and I think that was more comatose than anything else.

I followed up my research with a quick google search and as with most online investigations, I ended up on wikipedia. The first thing I discovered was that 'cool' is an ever-changing concept and is widely varied. Great. That's exactly what I already knew. However, it did go on to mention the roots of 'cool' as being an aesthetic of attitude that deviated from conventionality. As social ideology continues to change and boundaries are pushed and challenged how can this ever-fluctuating concept ever be taught and what's more how can Nylon promote this most elusive of ideals as something available to latch on to forever?

(Cool Thing No.3: Creativity) 

It's strange really, everybody goes through that gangly, awkward phase of feeling different and that yearning to just be 'normal' -  because being like everybody else obviously makes you cool. To be cool was(/is) to follow the crowd. However, in hindsight and with my newfound wiki knowledge, if being 'cool' is a rebellion against fixed expectation then it's also an embracement of individual self, so to follow the crowd is quite ironically the epitome of what is 'uncool'. Unfortunately this is only something you learn after those painful years of chasing what is ultimately a fictional dream.

However, with the constant bombardment of 'It' lists here and 'It' people there, it's like the childhood trauma is yet to plague our adult lives too. You want to be successful and be photographed and party 24/7? Then copy what these 'cool' celebs do and you soon could be crowned the next 'It' girl. I mean what a vague, non-meaning term! What the hell is 'It' anyway? If someone just started referring to me as it I'd have a hard time not being offended. Number one, I have a name. Number two, I'm far more complicated than a two letter word and number three aren't sex and other uncomfortable and embarrassing things that one doesn't particularly like to mention in public or around your grandmother, also referred to as it? (And as a side note: Cousin It already coined the name and frankly he owns the title so why steal that from him?)

(Cool Thing No.4: Dancing for no reason) 

As I leisurely strolled out of Tesco yesterday I tried to save a small child's play dough ball from rolling away. Instead I stood on it. 

A few days ago I accidentally referred to the most darling little girl as a little boy. 

I frequently mis-understand things, say the wrong things, walk into things. 

Does that make me uncool? Quite possibly, I guess it depends whose 'cool' barrometer you're going by…

(Cool Thing No.5: Shoes - although these are borderline necessity  over mere 'cool' thing)

After having a week of too many potential disasters and total cringe worthy moments, I declared to my cool sister, just how uncool I really was. Her response kinda shocked me. Most of my toe-curling moments she'd actually lived through herself and what I found most enlightening was how she reminded me that much of today's successful TV programmes are based on the 'quirky' girl (i.e. New Girl, The Mindy Project). I guess the concept of being 'cool' is a vague idea based purely on the 'grass is always greener theory'. One day's epic fail is another day's funny anecdote.

Some things seem to be perpetually 'cool' - the breton stripe, Audrey Hepburn, burping the alphabet… - but actually compiling that list was really quite difficult as most things really don't stay 'cool' for long, merely a phase, transitional like the 'It' bag or the 'It' girl. What gives real longevity is the ability to embrace the kinks in life - and somewhat more challengingly - in yourself.

(Cool Thing No.6: Love)

Either that or it's genetic and my sister and I are doomed to a life of un-abashed 'uncool-ness'. As a self-professed girl of 'un-cool' nature I choose to embrace it.

It's doubtful that the writers and makers of Nylon thought much about labelling a bonafide celeb 'cool' or about composing an 'It' list full of other celebs, but it's this flippant use of such loaded terms and labels that causes so many to crumble under the weight of expectation. Why aspire to something as far removed from reality as this packaged ideal of 'cool' when true coolness is completely innate?

Please ponder this while I move on to my next conundrum: how does one banish VPL when wearing leggings to the gym? Ahh the saga continues. Now that is uncool.

(Cool Thing No.7: Self-Acceptance)

(None of the above photos are my own and I do not claim credit for any of them. If you know the origin then please email me and I'll rectify it)

NIGHT-TIME TRICKS

I'm going out tonight. 'WOO' you'd think, but no. 

I'm stumped. Dressing up baffles me. I love it, but it always comes replete with mad dash, strewn clothes and a mine field of various obstacles that I must leap frog over on my return home.

(Photo from Lust For Life)

Nothing feels more comfortable than jeans & a t-shirt (or to spice things up a whole lot, occasionally a shirt), all nicely tied up with jewels galore and vertigo inducing heels - because no night would be complete without the fun and games that comes from trying to remain upright with both ankles intact.

Who needs tight bandage skirts and midriff baring tops? You'll never have to worry about scraped knees, being pocket-less or bothering with pesky leg stubble. The worst that can happen in a pair of jeans is you'll topple over and scuff the knees (which, in the midst of a distressed denim trend alert, isn't bad at all). And I don't know about you but loose change is always hidden in my back pockets, which comes in very handy when 'creepy guy' slurrily offers for you to share his taxi home. I can proudly count out my coins and firmly decline. Now tell me a bandage skirt could ever save you like that ey? 

I'll make sure to count the number of belly buttons on display tonight and report back, because, as is probably evident from my previous posts, I operate on a strictly need to know basis, and this is something that you need to know - if only to quell this trend of blatant over-exposure.