WHAT'S IN THE BAG??

I love a 'what's in my bag' post. You're allowed, nay, encouraged, to root around and explore the mysterious abyss that is a woman's handbag. 

(Photo: Am-Lul)

Rarely do you see a women sans handbag. It's like an additional limb. We risk potential back strain to lug around only the essentials, cherry picking a selection of those life saving items to aid us in every situation imaginable, whilst giving the illusion of carefree, no fuss, 'I woke up like this' ease. 

So much can be deduced from the contents of a women's handbag, should you be so lucky as to be allowed into one that is! 

There are a plethora of posts to choose from if you should wish to delve in, but what I've noticed is that these tend to be edited beyond any semblance of reality. I mean c'mon, is it really possible to survive daily life with only a red lipstick, a selection of jewellery and a notepad (without a pen nonetheless!) I saw a hole in the market so to speak. Wouldn't you like to see what's really in us girlies' bags? 

The Essentials
Phone, keys, purse, chewing gum. You know the drill. Never be locked out, caught with bad breath or unable to get the bill again. Bring them with you.

Wet Wipes

No bag should be without them and if obvious reasons for this don't automatically spring to mind, then let my story be a lesson to you. After being on a train for five hours (Five hours! I feel that needed emphasis) an overwhelming need to go to the toilet overcame me. As a strict rule I try not to use the facilities on trains or at train stations - I'm sure you can understand why - this however, was an emergency. I opened the door, which might I add was wet (first red flag), then there was no toilet paper. I am not a shaker. Then a beam of light fell onto my bag and angels sang as I caught sight of my wet wipe supply. Complete life saver. Never leave the house without them.

Tissues

I am that annoying sniffly person that plagues every cinema, library, lecture hall, fast food queue, coffee shop, gym. You know the one, that person you either avoid through fear of germ sharing or want to punch in the face. Tissues allow me to alleviate my sniffles so the rest of the world is none the wiser. FYI wet wipes are useless for this purpose, despite my allergies I still like my makeup to remain on my nose.

Hand Sanitizer

I sound like a full on germ-a-phobe, but some come in the form of a handy moisturiser. Never turn your nose up at the prospect of soft hands.  

A Lighter

I'm not encouraging smoking (I'm not discouraging it either, you do what you want pal) but it saddens me to think that this handy item could be limited to the mere partner of a cigarette. Imagine you're stuck in the woods and you need to light a fire, BAM you're the girl everyone wants on their team. Or you're at a festival and that epic song comes on, BAM again, you're right in with the crowd, waving your lighter in the air like you just don't care. Aaaand if you fancy being sociable, then there's nothing that will attract more new friends to you than a lighter will to lighter-less smokers. Does that sound desperate? And needless to say, a lighter's pretty handy for any impromptu seances.

(Photo: Fashion & Style)

Torch

You've always got your lighter but ya know, fire is dangerous. If in trouble, make like the ladies of 'Panic Room' and morse code your way out of it. Imperative if you like to read under your bed covers, or to highlight the keyhole that you're scrambling to get your keys into. 

Sewing Kit

I'm talking miniature by the way and I've made it sound more grandiose than it really is. By kit I mean needle and thread and some safety pins. Sure to save you from any fashion diaaaasters. Plus they double as miniature weaponry for any space invaders you might come across on public transport or say a boyfriend snoring loudly in the cinema. Did I mention that I'm evil?

Crystals

I sound like a knob I know. I'm not going to launch into some spiel about cosmic energies etc but I have one crystal that is supposed to instil power within the holder. Extra power is always welcomed, so damn it, I'm keeping it with me! I'm sticking my tongue out at you eye rollers out there by the way.

Deodorant

Now that they come in mini sizes there's really no excuse for weird body odour. Plus when time escapes you, as it does me - often (see previous post), there's nothing more refreshing than a quick spritz.

Perfume

Similar to deodorant but nicer to look at. 'Chance' by Chanel is my thang.

IPod

Often when daydreaming takes over, my mind wonders over many bizarre things, namely what my theme tune would be if I should one day have one. 

'Lady Essentials'

Yep, I'm using code for tampons and sanitary towels. A secret stash is beyond necessary. Watch the 'Young Ones' if you don't already know the fun that can be had with a tampon (I swear it's a lot more innocent than it sounds…) 

Make-up Bag

Yes, I am encouraging you to carry a bag within a bag. Banish shine, embrace the cliche and leave lipstick marks as your calling card, hide late night shenanigans with a slick of concealer, catch a friend off-guard and write a loving slur across their forehead with your trusty eyeliner. Gosh I love make-up.

(Photo: ohmydior)

Pen & Paper 

I've restrained myself from writing 'pencil case', though feel free to throw that in there too. I used to carry a calculator around with me until I decided to enter into the 21st century and found one on my phone… 

Medecine

If bag is big enough then swipe entire medicine cabinet in there, if not then paracetamol, plasters and, in my case, hay fever tablets make the cut. 

Step Ladder

Because unfortunately chivalry is pretty much dead and jumping to reach the high shelves is unbecoming (plus under the weight of my bag, I ain't going very far!) 

Portable Chair

Who needs blister plasters when you can just take a load off? You never have to forego your highest heels again.

Glasses/Contact lenses

Carrying both is essential. Glasses for hay fever days, contacts for those unsociable days when the excuse 'sorry I couldn't see you without my glasses on' is needed. Yes, as well as being evil I am also very cunning.

A thong

Never be caught with accidental VPL on show again. Plus it doubles as a fantastic sling shot, which is obviously very necessary. Ps. Going commando ain't cool.

An Umbrella

One of those huge golfing umbrellas. Being soaked through is never fashionable.

The Entire Contents of your Pantry

I've explained in my earlier 'Shopping with the Boyfriend' post the necessities of carting food around with you and I still stand by this. A table cloth and candlestick are non-essential, but are however preferable.

A Puppy

Never be lonely again. Companionship without the messy feelings that tend to come attached to icky boys. I refuse to be a cat lady. Dogs are better. FACT.

Bubbles

The last on my list and definitely one of the most important. A great alternative to flashing without forsaking on the shock value. Camouflage a bad hair day with this handy distraction technique; guaranteed to work (about 35% of the time). 

As you can tell I've only included the essentials. Please feel free to use this as a check list of sorts. You may wonder why an outfit change wasn't included but then again that's what your desk drawer is for. 

Special shout out to Mary Poppins. The woman who paved the way for OVER-sized toting females all around the world.