WHAT TO WEAR WHEN ANYTHING GOES

It's taken me a long time to figure out what is work wear appropriate in an 'anything goes' office.

I've seen shirt and ties, saggy arse joggers, Uggs, there's even an office tale of a mankini... The entire concept of office apropos has been exploited and then some. 

I myself have made some questionable decisions when fumbling around in an attempt to look like a fully functioning - or at least fully dressed - adult, before most (including the sun) have awoken. 

One such time involved the discovery of a strange lump in my skinny jeans. After much cajoling (I was still new at this time so surmise that this is the only reason that no one asked what the bloody hell I was doing making such shapes under my desk...), eventually I was able to extract the mysterious mound, only to discover that it was in fact a pair of knickers. 

I can now attest that they were my own but in the panic of the situation I really couldn't be sure. And yes I did have to check that I hadn't done a Zoolander and unknowingly wriggled out of my underwear in between reading emails and walking to the printer. 

Rest assured this is not what happened, I can only think that this is what my mother meant when she said it was imperative to fold clean laundry. Another win for Team Parents is beautifully exemplified through the retelling of the dire ramifications which no one on earth could have foreseen yet somehow makes its way into the memories of my life. Please learn from my mistakes. Also I'd like to reiterate that my secondary pair of underwear was clean. Damn you tumble dryer, with all your clothes tangling, though conveniently timely, drying ways.

Other incidents have included, well nothing that could top the above story, just the regular bra strap mishaps, the occasional unknowingly see-through top and once, a see-through skirt. At other times my outfits speak of a lack of co-ordination so inexcusable as to make me question my own taste. The only thing that could talk me down from this was taking solace in the fact that I had gotten dressed in a pre-coffee daze, and thus my judgement was irreconcilably hindered. 

(I guess remembering a bra is the first thing...)

Getting dressed is tough. Having sartorial guidelines is helpful, like a dress code at a party. How thoughtful of Diddy to clarify that one is encouraged to wear white to a 'white party'. Whether you abide by them or not is your prerogative, but at least the expectation is outlined. As far as I'm aware there is no dress code for life. Factor in the lightless mornings, the sometimes cold, sometimes not cold mood swings of the British climate and that this is all before breakfast TV even airs, one surely can't be blamed for a few errant bra flashes. Right?   

Modesty is definitely to be aimed for, but mostly it's just wear whatever you want/ is clean. And you think that would be fine, but despite the office consensus being that one need must get dressed out of social expectation, if not common courtesy, it doesn't stop everyone thinking themselves the third, lesser known member of Trinny & Suzannah. 

For example, I have taken to wearing neckerchiefs with pretty much everything. They are the stylistic impulse that I just cannot shirk rn. Yet twice my commitment to the silk scarf has been questioned, nay, mocked. The first time I was mistaken for an air hostess, and yes all exits in the building were motioned to me numerous times. The second time I was asked if I was hiding love bites under there. And though Kenickie eloquently likened a hickie to a hallmark card, I was in fact hiding a dodgy fake tan, not sucker marks.

(When in doubt, wear all black - though perhaps not that much cleavage - & my air hostess get-up)

I am still no closer to devising a steadfast uniform of my own - though jeans and a shirt are fast becoming my go to - however, I remain defiant in attempting to retain an element of fashion even when my meticulous accessorising goes unnoticed, or my print clashing gets a confused double take instead of a round of a applause. I doubt an education in fashion is likely to happen as a team bonding activity, but I could probably do with putting their wear whatever philosophy into practise. I should also try to remember that it's one pair of knickers per outfit. Pass me a sticky note, I think that should go on the office bulletin board...

(None of the above pictures are my own unless stated: harpersbazaar.com, news.com, man repeller.com, angelicablick.se & w_sophia)